To believe in Santa, or not believe in Santa. Not to be a Scrooge, but I would be fine with our kid thinking that Santa was a trip to the dollar store to pick out two things. But alas, Alicia wants our spawn to believe in the old jolly fat man who somehow stuffs himself down chimneys to leave wrapped presents and steal cookies and milk. I can't really protest since I can't seem to remember whether or not I actually had a belief in Santa Claus. It can't be too damaging to the fragile psyche of a youngster. Right? ;) Besides, I don't want to be the parent of the kid that told all the kids at school that Santa doesn't exist. Not a pleasant thought!
No, what's going to be badass is when all the parents want to talk to me about why all their children are afraid to go to bed for fear of Krampus. Oh yeah, that's right, Krampus mofo! Why threaten your children with the hollow threat of "no presents from Santa if you're bad" when you can give them tangible fear. A few bells, some rusty chains, and a horrific mask is all it will take to ensure your children are quiet as a mouse. Unfortunately for ol' Krampus, Alicia shot down the idea completely. Something about not traumatizing our children.
See, I've also thought about making up our own Santa-esque quasi-spiritual, sub-deity of gifts and elf slavery. Introducing Grampa Winter! Long white beard, white robes that shine in the sun like morning snowfall. He carries a great staff which he can use to light fireworks on Christmas day! Oh, and he wears a hat, much like a wizard's at, but it glistens like wet snow. Every Christmas he comes to bring joy to the land of men, and to defend against the evil Snowurman, a tall, fiery old man who replaces sugar with flour and salt. Although strong with all the power of winter, sometimes Grampa Winter enlists the help of little people. He's fond of them or something.
Yeah, so going to ruin our child with crazy bedtime stories...
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