Tornado

Just thinking and recognizing the churning in my chest. I'm so excited, literally on edge, and there are still several weeks to go. This has been a wild ride day after day. I really never thought it would feel like this to know I was going to have a baby. Don't get excited, this isn't an "oh lawd, take me jeebus" post. This is more me finding some way to breath through some pretty intense emotion.

I think my mind is really stuck on the fact that I have no idea what my child will experience in life. For example, I have never kayaked. I have a friend that sends me links to videos of people kayaking in water that I would only photograph from a safe distance. He looks at them with the excitement of wanting to do that. I'm fairly sure he was to walk with a wheelbarrow in front of him at all times.

So what will my kid experience? Will he or she enjoy kayaking? Photography? Sports? Will my wife be giving birth to the next great stunt man? I think I'm going to start eating more heart healthy foods just in case. I got to thinking about this as I was becoming entranced with photos and video from Norway. I've always wanted to go there, among many other countries. I'm not really sure where my brain made the connection. Perhaps a strangled sense of longing projected onto the life I'm about to be responsible for. Deep inside I am struggling with that awful thought of "oh, now I have a kid. Time to settle down." It's a terrible feeling; a guilty feeling almost.

I'm sorting through this, trying to sort out what's being realistic and what is being fanciful. I never went out of country with my parents when I was a kid, and I certainly don't blame them for that. I just feel that I don't have a compass for that sort of thing. I have no idea how possible it's going to be to travel with our child to various places, but I know I want to. I want our children to see the world as we see it too. As impossible as it may be, that's what I want for him or her.

Foobar!

Finally taking the time to start a baby playlist in Foobar2000. It's fun, but I have to keep in mind that this is for our baby and not for me. Haha, even better since so much of it won't even be audible to Alicia and I as the headphones will be on Alicia's belly for the better part of this year. Even though the baby won't be able to make sense of the words, I certainly don't want to add Nine Inch Nails - Closer to the mix, even though a good electronic "wall of sound" would definitely be stimulating to a developing brain. So what good will this actually do? Who knows, but it certainly can't hurt.

Occasionally I will make a post listing some of the music on the baby playlist. Kind of like this:

Osipov State Russian Folk Orchestra, Vitaly Gnutov – Fantasy on Two Songs

Masashi Hamauzu – Via Purifico

Tori Amos – Cloud on My Tongue

If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment. Chopin will certainly be making an appearance, as well as Tchaikovsky. It seems like every single article I've found talking about say Beethoven's Fifth Symphony is a good choice; I'm convinced that's because it's the only classical piece the writer knows and thinks it sounds smart. I'm not a huge Beethoven fan. I went to a Beethoven concert once and when we all shouted for an encore, he rudely bowed and walked away as if he didn't hear us. Pffft, what a diva.

Edit: For those that don't know, the fetus develops the ability to hear over the course of the first and second trimester, more specifically around week 20. Vibrations may still be felt and therefore "heard," but scientists are not sure exactly when.