Tornado

Just thinking and recognizing the churning in my chest. I'm so excited, literally on edge, and there are still several weeks to go. This has been a wild ride day after day. I really never thought it would feel like this to know I was going to have a baby. Don't get excited, this isn't an "oh lawd, take me jeebus" post. This is more me finding some way to breath through some pretty intense emotion.

I think my mind is really stuck on the fact that I have no idea what my child will experience in life. For example, I have never kayaked. I have a friend that sends me links to videos of people kayaking in water that I would only photograph from a safe distance. He looks at them with the excitement of wanting to do that. I'm fairly sure he was to walk with a wheelbarrow in front of him at all times.

So what will my kid experience? Will he or she enjoy kayaking? Photography? Sports? Will my wife be giving birth to the next great stunt man? I think I'm going to start eating more heart healthy foods just in case. I got to thinking about this as I was becoming entranced with photos and video from Norway. I've always wanted to go there, among many other countries. I'm not really sure where my brain made the connection. Perhaps a strangled sense of longing projected onto the life I'm about to be responsible for. Deep inside I am struggling with that awful thought of "oh, now I have a kid. Time to settle down." It's a terrible feeling; a guilty feeling almost.

I'm sorting through this, trying to sort out what's being realistic and what is being fanciful. I never went out of country with my parents when I was a kid, and I certainly don't blame them for that. I just feel that I don't have a compass for that sort of thing. I have no idea how possible it's going to be to travel with our child to various places, but I know I want to. I want our children to see the world as we see it too. As impossible as it may be, that's what I want for him or her.