An Answer to the Question

What does it all mean? Why are we here?

I know we have all asked this at some point. It is the curse of human self-conscious. The question that motivates the pursuit of knowledge. A question that both haunts us and thrills us. It's the question that we tend to ignore when we look to the stars, trying not to be dwarfed in the infinitesimal expanse of the space beyond our atmosphere. At the same time, it is the question we beg when faced with the powerful notion of death. In times of hopelessness, it's the blank despair of being blind, asking the impossible questions.

I have to admit, when I considered myself a Christian, these questions were easy so long as I asked no other questions. But after giving up my beliefs, I was left with a blank page at the end of my story. Or so I thought. My discarding of beliefs was partly thanks to my thirst for knowledge. I wasn't ready mentally to handle the challenge of being without an afterlife. That is, however, until I came across some of the most poignant words I had ever read. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. Certainly those unborn ghosts include greater poets than Keats, scientists greater than Newton. We know this because the set of possible people allowed by our DNA so massively exceeds the set of actual people. In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here.

That may not answer any questions for you. It may not bring you any form of peace. But for me, it brought it all together. It all made sense. We are the lucky ones, and why can't that be the best damn thing to happen in our beautiful reality?

Tomorrow we find out, hopefully, the sex of our child. Our lucky one.

The Greatest Show on Earth

I sincerely hope that I'm not the only person that wants to watch the "building" of my child. I can't help but think about the building of new cells, especially those that will dictate who our child will be at his or her core. Will it have my eyes, nose, ears, or mouth? How has the brain formed according to the instructions given? It's awe inspiring!

So if I could watch the whole process, that would be awesome. Strange? Yeah sure, but I've always loved biology. I just wish I had done something with that love. But in any case, I get to see the end result of our genetics. With over seven billion humans on the planet (roughly), it is difficult to see what this means on a biological level. By the most basic explanation, this means that I have successfully contributed to the evolution of the human race. Am I putting the process of procreation on a pedestal? Sure!

That is part of what I am excited about. Not knowing what exactly we have contributed to the gene pool of the human race. What minor change in the code could our child have that may or may not show? How will it change future generations, if at all? I realize I ask a lot of questions in my blog posts, and that is thanks to my eager mind. I can't wait to know all about our kid!

Kick!

I had a short post about Alicia feeling a kick this morning, but it wouldn't post and it was deleted when I switched mobile blogging apps. Anyway! She has been feeling flutters for a little while now, but never a kick. She is pretty sure it was a kick... still, it's about headphone and awesome music time for little Potts. Can't wait to find out the sex!!

It's Mommy Time!

Hi everyone, this is Alicia. Patrick's been pestering me to make a blog post for a while now, so I finally gave in. I'm not nearly as good of a writer as he is, so please excuse my writing weaknesses.

In about a week we are going for our next doctor's visit. We get to see the first pictures of our baby! It's quite exciting. There is one small problem... If everything goes smoothly and Baby Potts cooperates, we should be finding out the sex of the baby.

I know, I know, most of you are thinking, "What's the problem with that?!" The problem is that I don't want to find out the sex of the baby. It has been an ongoing debate in our household for a few months now. When Patrick and I first got married and the topic of having children came up, I was very clear about the fact that I didn't want to find out the sex of our children. Maybe part of the reason is that my parents never found out what they were having. I never knew whether I was getting a new brother or sister. And those were some of the best surprises of my life!

I have always enjoyed being surprised. (Good surprises of course.) Growing up, I was never one to look in closets, or search the attic to try and discover what I was getting for Christmas. In fact, most years "Surprises" was actually one of the items I would write on my Christmas list. Patrick, on the other hand, has no patience for surprises. It isn't that he doesn't like them, he just gets too excited. He can't wait for the surprise to come, he needs to know now! Ever since we have been together, I don't think one Christmas or birthday has passed where he hasn't opened his gifts early. If it's under the tree, he NEEDS to open it. Whatever is in the package can be used and enjoyed now, so why wait? Needless to say, I do not agree with his philosophy. For me, the surprise is part of the gift. There is something special about the excitement and apprehension of the wait. It builds up and makes the end result even more awesome.

With that said, about 90 percent of the people who ask about the pregnancy and the baby want to know what we're having. I can't tell you how many times a day I hear, "Is it a boy or a girl?" or "Have you found out what you're having yet?" I try to explain that I don't want to find out and I get mostly blank stares or confused looks. I understand of course. I get why Patrick wants to know now. And it will make picking out a name and shopping for baby things much easier.

In the end I finally yielded. I'm sure when they ask at the appointment if we want to know, I won't be able to say no. And it's really important to Patrick to find out. So, in about a week, we should know if we are having a boy or girl. I really don't care which it is, as long as the baby is healthy. Plus, on delivery day we could still get a surprise. Because until that baby enters the world, we won't be 100 percent sure whether we got a boy or a girl anyway.

Eight Days!

We are only eight days from getting a peek at what we are having, hopefully! I am excited beyond words. I'm getting asked a lot what I hope we are having, and I can't emphasize enough that I just want a healthy, breathing, happy baby. Boy or girl, it's still going to be our baby. As far as names, I think we're almost decided. Maybe.

Still looking for work down in Collierville, TN and trying to do my photography thing. So much to do and so much to think about, it feels like life has hit warp speed. Here's to hoping for a brief pause on my three day weekend coming up.

More soon, hopefully Alicia will be contributing a post very soon!

Tornado

Just thinking and recognizing the churning in my chest. I'm so excited, literally on edge, and there are still several weeks to go. This has been a wild ride day after day. I really never thought it would feel like this to know I was going to have a baby. Don't get excited, this isn't an "oh lawd, take me jeebus" post. This is more me finding some way to breath through some pretty intense emotion.

I think my mind is really stuck on the fact that I have no idea what my child will experience in life. For example, I have never kayaked. I have a friend that sends me links to videos of people kayaking in water that I would only photograph from a safe distance. He looks at them with the excitement of wanting to do that. I'm fairly sure he was to walk with a wheelbarrow in front of him at all times.

So what will my kid experience? Will he or she enjoy kayaking? Photography? Sports? Will my wife be giving birth to the next great stunt man? I think I'm going to start eating more heart healthy foods just in case. I got to thinking about this as I was becoming entranced with photos and video from Norway. I've always wanted to go there, among many other countries. I'm not really sure where my brain made the connection. Perhaps a strangled sense of longing projected onto the life I'm about to be responsible for. Deep inside I am struggling with that awful thought of "oh, now I have a kid. Time to settle down." It's a terrible feeling; a guilty feeling almost.

I'm sorting through this, trying to sort out what's being realistic and what is being fanciful. I never went out of country with my parents when I was a kid, and I certainly don't blame them for that. I just feel that I don't have a compass for that sort of thing. I have no idea how possible it's going to be to travel with our child to various places, but I know I want to. I want our children to see the world as we see it too. As impossible as it may be, that's what I want for him or her.

Tasty

I'm thinking about what foods I can't wait to introduce our kid to. Food always made such an impression on me when I was little. It's the reason why I hated mushrooms with a passion up till about a year ago or so. That said, I'm probably not going to introduce our kid to mushrooms at an early age. Wow, and that statement could be taken way out of context.

Sauerkraut:

One of my favorite foods. I don't remember the first time I ate it, but I remember how exciting it was to see that mom was making it. She would make it in a pan with diced potatoes and wieners. Delicious! Alicia hates it, so I get it few and far between (though I'm certainly eying a jar of it closely right now). I'm crossing my fingers on this one, two outvotes one on dinner night. Right? I'll cook it... Please?

"Baby" Corn:

Those delicious and tiny little ears of corn. YUM! I loved getting those from the buffet at Ponderosa. Or Shoney's. Or pretty much any buffet with a salad bar. I don't know if they're supposed to be sour or not, but they were and it was awesome.

Jalapeños:

I hated hot things like peppers when I was a kid. If it was spicy hot, it was the devil. I'm very curious to see what the response is. I love hot stuff now, I put habanero hot sauce on just about everything. Don't worry, I'm not going to feed a tiny baby hot peppers. Just curious.

Nutella:

If he or she doesn't like this stuff, I will feel failed as a parent. This stuff is delicious! It's like having a jar of chocolate just chilling in the cupboard. "Oh, hello jar of chocolate. What's that? Well sure I'll put you on just about anything! Aw, I love you too sweet jar of hazelnut goodness." I mean really, screw peanut butter and its lame duck non-chocolaty self.

Sam Adams:

Ha! Gotcha. Our kid isn't going to drink or get into trouble until twenty-one. Right? Of course.